Shirin McArthur

prayerful pondering


2 Comments

Ready or Not….


Recently I led my church’s Centering Prayer and Lectio Divina sessions for a couple weeks while our priest was on vacation. I chose for one Lectio Divina session the story of Jesus sending out the twelve disciples, two by two, to preach his message of repentance—the same message, coincidentally, that was at the root of John the Baptist’s ministry. It was helpful to share perspectives on this text and imagine together what it must have been like to be told, “It’s your turn. Go preach and teach and heal.”

I found myself thinking back to the summer I did Clinical Pastoral Education at Massachusetts General Hospital. On our very first week, on our second afternoon, our CPE supervisors said, “Okay now, time to go out and start visiting patients.” As I recall, all of us responded with some version of shock and concern. We weren’t ready. We’d only been in the program for a day and a half, and much of that had been devoted to orientation and paperwork. Surely there was a lot more we needed to do to be ready!

DSC_0672cOur supervisors insisted—and we obeyed. At the time, it felt analogous to learning to swim by being thrown into the deep end of the pool. Almost thirty years later, I can somewhat see the supervisors’ perspective. We were seminary students with at least a year of study behind us. They had accepted us into the program, based on—I presume—at least some level of assessment of the study and service we’d already undertaken.

Also, sometimes, it’s easier to dive into that pool all at once—even if we fear the water will be cold and deep. Stepping in, inch by inch, makes the process more painful in the long run. So, ready or not, we dove into our brand-new mission field. We all survived and, to the best of my knowledge, so did the patients.

As I continue to dance around the edge of the podcast pool, writing this makes me squirm in my seat. It might be that the best way to embrace the podcasting is to simply start doing it. And yet…Jesus told his disciples to go out in pairs. In CPE, we had our supervisors and a small group of fellow students to support, encourage and teach us. I don’t yet have any partner(s) for this undertaking. So I am sometimes dancing, sometimes sitting, at the edge of the pool. I am watching and learning, not knowing when the order will come to jump in—but that it will come, whether I feel ready or not.

What “ready or not” stories do you have in your life? Are you dancing around the edge of a pool yourself during these hot summer days?

Advertisements


Leave a comment

Reclaiming the Writing Life


This weekend I’m attending another writers workshop—this one in my new home territory of Tucson. I just learned about it a couple of weeks ago, and learned at the same time that it was the last annual event because the organizer is retiring from the work. I’m sad that no one is taking it on, because it’s clearly been a good event for those who have attended, now and in prior years…but I’ve also learned that I have to let that go. In earlier years, I might have pondered whether this was something that I should get involved with. After all, it has benefited lots of people, myself included. But it doesn’t align with my own mission and vision at this point, and I’ve learned that it’s well past time for me to make that my primary focus.

You see, I let go of writing poetry for a lot of years in order to focus on other things. I spent a lot of years working for organizations that needed my administrative skills to further their own missions. But, as a result of all that work for others, my own writing vocation—as I’ve come to recognize it—has languished.

As I began to recognize earlier this year, and expressed out loud when I made my Lenten commitment to write poetry, it is time to reclaim the writing life. I need to accept—even embrace—that the written word is one way in which I am called to make a difference in the world. This blog helped me to recognize that. My poetry is likewise calling to me, aching to be shared and used as a vehicle for spiritual growth, both for myself and others. It doesn’t matter that it’s a tough time out there for poets. (I learned this weekend that there aren’t agents for poets because there’s so seldom any money to be made with poetry!) It honestly can’t matter that I may not publish a poetry collection. I need to write poetry because it helps focus my own soul work. Perhaps I will share more of it on this blog here. The point is, if I need to write it for myself, and as part of what I am feeling called to do and share, then that is enough.

I also need to recognize that everything I have done can feed into what I am doing now. Certainly my life experience and spiritual growth feed the words that I write, here and in my poetry. But even the less obvious influences are real. IMG_2800cLast year I participated in a card deck swap, where a bunch of us created artistic, inspirational cards, sent them off to the organizer, and then received a mix of cards from other people in return. Was it part of my own mission and vision? Not precisely—but the process did get me thinking creatively. And what I received in return has been a gift. Today, two of those cards are speaking to me, as I think about this post, and so I share them here. One of these came to me all the way from Australia! I do indeed need to share my voice; it is a God-given gift!

Is there something in your own life that has languished while you have focused on other things? At this point, it doesn’t matter why you have not tended your gift. It only matters that, at this point in your life, you ask yourself, and God, what it might take to reclaim that part of who you are. Who needs to hear your voice, experience your art, receive your ministry? What is it you need to do in order to more fully live out your soul’s calling, your vocation in this life? What step might you take today, to recommit to that part of yourself and your calling?